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the Detritus Heap

by Raymond Detritus

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1.
When I first met you you hadn’t much to say Can you believe that? I should have seen that Under the surface you were bubbling away and soon it seeps out Now day it appears that You test my patience amongst many other things Then you are so good at passing tests You’ve learned of ships and sealing wax of cabbages and kings But you never learned how to keep it erect You feel you need to appear smart it’s as see through as a glass and what’s more you are too clever by half Now I concede I don’t always pay full heed to your many various moods and affections But keep in mind I’d be much further inclined if you were not always referencing Frenchmen I’m not saying give up school and start driving a cab I’m all in favour of your self-improvements But sometimes intellectual muscles breed pontificating flab It’s restricting you from easy fluid movements Give up reading in the bath let your hair down have a laugh please try not to be too clever by half So please put down the Baudelaire next to Winnie the pooh How did you become so damn didactic? Of course that’s quite rhetorical Look who’s just been voted mayor he looks a lot like you Playing stupid was his winning tactic Your ingenious remarks betray your remedial start now when I say it don’t take it to heart But all my previous remarks leave this wisdom to impart: Sometimes you are far too clever by half It’s oh so clear you’re too clever by half Oh dear my dear you’re too clever by half
2.
National Front Room (free) 04:02
Can you hear the armchair fascists’ mantra they breathe? That Britain’s for the British and we’re no longer free And this whole nation’s going to the dogs And it’s time to say enough is enough But Britain for the British doesn’t mean anything You just don’t want to look stupid if you disagree with your Daily hate-Mail second hand opinions As you recline in your National Front-room Britain for the British doesn’t mean anything When the British way is rule the waves, create colonies And close the borders in the opposite direction I didn’t draw these boundaries – why should I respect them? Well it’s clear that you need a father figure But you seem to think that you need a fatherland I’m sure you all look very smug trading jack boots in for black suits But maybe you should loosen the armband Cos enough is enough doesn’t mean anything It’s a circular statement, a tautology You may as well preach that eggs is eggs It might sound good but’s essentially meaningless Enough is enough doesn’t mean anything Statements like that are ten a penny How about boys will be boys? What will be will be? No sound grounds for immigration policy Well I find it ever harder to listen To your increasingly ludicrous right-wing views Which if you really followed through would mean you left the country too After all, the Celts were here before you Before you I'm sure it’s comfy in your armchair because that way you’re in no danger Hope it’s comfy in your armchair cos I know you pose no threat there I’m sure it’s comfy in your armchair cos that way you are no danger Sure it’s comfy in your armchair but you should get out and taste the British air
3.
Love was Dead (free) 05:50
4.
He was cut from the cloth of the finest minds we have Could have been just anything And now through casting and make-up In a way he has Since he was cast for the part he’s been a servant to the craft Without ever having seen a RADA class Now he just can’t wait Can’t wait suffer for his art CHORUS It’s role he was born to play The kid’s the making of a real heavyweight star Now he’s acting with a capital A The supporting cast all know their lines But he always prefers to improvise Commercial failure with critical acclaim When he treats the boards he’s never overawed He always leaves the audience floored And he’s so subtle so nuanced He never gets too broad Oh he’s due great things anybody could predict it So obvious it could be scripted And when the season comes He should be up for the major awards CHORUS The kid’s a natural – a real performer And he looks good without make-up The lights go up the cameras flash Are you ready for your close-up? CHORUS (first half) All the world’s a stage
5.
I shot Jill Dando Now she is in heaven I thought that it was Evan This is my confession
6.
How I love eating Jesus I love to eat him up He's so tasty and righteous I just can't get enough When at communion mass My special Sunday club I eat up his all body And drink up all his blood How I love eating Jesus I really must insist He would taste just delicious With guacamole dip He may be high in starch And lead to tooth decay But doctor says I can have One glass of him a day How I love eating Jesus I just can't get enough I've eaten so much Jesus I could make a whole one By drinking up his blood I take a special gift For like a vampire (if) I drink Forever shall I live Forever shall I live
7.
Come On Home (free) 03:52
8.
Shipbuilding (free) 02:32
9.
Your Girl (free) 02:15
10.
11.
Nothing to be Said (free) 03:41
12.
the Shark Song (free) 05:23
oh the shark has teeth so lethal but they shine like silver plates just a jackknife has mackheath but you won't see it 'til it's too late on a wonderful blue monday see a corpse layed out in the strand and a figure hides in a doorway with a jackknife in his hand by the docklands the stench lingers of fermented, bloody guts if you know the shark from the bites then tell me who could have left these awful cuts by the thames' turgid banks they found another left out in the rain with no ID or money, just a note that says i will kill again did you hear about the barmaid's daughter? she was her mother's only pride and joy violated in her slumber, oh mackheath you have been a very naughty boy the newspapers all called a bounty. if you see him go ahead and name your price so far no-one has come forward we all see him every time we close our eyes there are those who live in darkness, there are others who dwell in light and we see the ones in brightness, those in dark they fade from sight
13.
No Return to Caprica (free) 03:48
No return to Caprica Deliver us all from harm Trust commander Adama Straight as Apollo's true dart I know you are our only hope Like Apollo's Arrow So say we all
14.
15.
You Used To (free) 06:27
16.
Cast a Shadow (free) 03:00
17.
Dice Man 02:39
18.
19.
There's a bit at the end where you can actually hear the lyrics - so keep listening!

about

When the Raymond Detritus myspace was created it was as a place to host silly bits of music and eclectic experiments away from the public eye.

Whilst managing to avoid the public eye in the meantime, Raymond has since morphed into the singer-songwriter who can't sing or write songs and the myspace page has become a base of opperations for his fantastic band the Stinger Missiles.

Also, myspace has an upload limit of ten songs.

So in the spirit of the original Raymond Detritus comes the Detritus Heap, a place to pile up demos and covers and alternate versions and even some genuine attempts at artistry, all in Bandcamp high-quality downloads.

The concept is to upload a new song every week, possibly with a view to compile a physical release of the most popular ones should such things exist.

credits

released January 4, 2010

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all rights reserved

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about

Raymond Detritus London, UK

raymond detritus is a fake man playing real music. previously a bit anti-folk, now just anti-everything.
raymonddetritus@hotmail.com

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